Frustrating Day

Today has been an incredibly frustrating day and I can't find a way to let go of the irritations and annoyance that are pent up inside me, so, I turn to my blog to write the things out of my system. Writing has always been a therapy for me, and blogging fills that need incredibly well; it's better than my website with a forum, as I have to be the impartial adjudicator and even hand there, whereas here, I can just be whingey old me and have a good grumble when the inclination takes me.

It's not just one thing that's getting me down, it's a whole long list. The decorating of the new sitting room, which could have started as long ago as 4th February is still not done. In all that time, the only progress is the varnishing of the floor and sticking up of dado rail to restore the look of the room to its original state. The walls are still bare lime plaster, the ceiling is still half papered and half not. The room is perfect for summer as it gets lots of light and opens in to the conservatory and looks over the little bit of garden we have; I doubt we'll be in it before winter.

I had booked friends to visit at the end of July and others to visit in August and at this rate, I shall have to cancel the whole thing. I'm not entertaining when the house is still a tip and the dining table is on it's side in the sitting room. It was the 13th June 2007 when the room got wrecked, and I'm sick to bloody death of it still being a great big empty space that we can't use. That's the first grumble.

The next grumble is about people and manners. I hate bad manners and I cannot find it in my heart to cut any slack to people who should know better. Over eight years ago I made a decision to cut out of my life any people who were toxic, who thought it was ok to use me or take advantage and/or who were just plain bad mannered. Over the past eight years, I have enjoyed the company of some amazing and wonderful people and very few of the sort I describe have managed to find their way to me. Sadly, I think I must have let me defences down without realising it.

It's someone I have known for a while - they were an acquaintance first and then, when I had a particularly rough time, they helped out and I moved them into my 'friend' category. Trouble is, for well over two years, any contact we have had has always involved them wanting something, whether it's a free website, a teach-me-everything-you-know situation irrespective of my schedule, free marketing advice, free IT support, which they inevitably ignore and then come back asking the same questions because the problems keep coming back (cos they won't listen to the free advice!) and so on. Now, that probably sounds really mean and harsh; they were very helpful to me for the two months when things were bad for me and I have been deeply conscious of that and tried to reciprocate their thoughtfulness and generosity, but I'm at my wit's end. I know that each time the phone rings, it'll be another shopping list agenda. I suppose I wouldn't have minded, but they didn't even say "thank you" for their birthday present; it wasn't huge or massively expensive, but a quick email or phone call wouldn't have cost much time or effort.

Then, on top of that, there's the whitewicca website. After owning and running it for so long, I'm quite used to people telling me how to run it better than I currently am, that they know how it should be done, what should be on it, who should be allowed to post or not post and so on. The site has always been a balancing act between people who are serious minded and some who are a bit kooky. I try to make it a place where it's not too frivolous but not so high-minded it scares the pants off the less experienced, but it isn't always that easy.

The other night I received an email from someone who occasionally moderates, when they are around, which isn't always. They were finding it annoying that many of the threads got hijacked and turned into "a laughing stock"; now, in all honesty, there are times when I wish that the silliness was contained within the Humour forum or just one or two threads, but it does run amok at times. I have already tried to tackle it but I think the conversation I had with the person has evaporated from their mind. I took the emailed comments on board and having made some light-hearted comments myself, ended with a remark that there had been a complaint and that we should think about keeping things 'on topic'. It seemed like a gentle way to nudge people.

What I hadn't figured on was getting a private message from the emailer, dripping with sarcasm, because of my comments. It seems I'm damned if I don't deal with a situation and I'm damned if I do. They have decided that the currently low number of posts aren't down to it being summer when everyone is out and about, but because of the silliness they complained of; it seems that the high number of registered users Vs. the number of regulars in the forums isn't anything to do with people who sign up and suck the content rather than take part - nope, it seems that I'm mismanaging the website. I'm so glad they shared the benefit of their wisdom with me. I do wish they'd just go and set up a site of their own if they can do it so much better, but I suppose it's easier to criticise me.

Last, but not least, I have started a long-cherished project and it all seems to have stalled. I've done some work and was hoping for feedback, but my fellow projectees have been busy and I don't know whether to press on assuming things are ok, or hold off and wait for suggested changes. It's frustrating as this is the sort of ham-stringing that has always driven me to work on my own, yet without the people I am working with, I doubt I would have got started, so I really value their thoughts - I just don't know what to do.

Do I feel any better for getting all that off my chest? No, not really. I'm utterly rubbish at doing passive-aggressive and what I'd really like to do is slap a few people around the head and have deep and meaningful conversations with others; that would make me feel better! In the meantime, I think I shall go and take it out on the remaining weeds in my flower bed - a bit of gardening always makes me feel better.

Grumpy...Moi?!!