That'll Teach Me!
I suppose it was time for the universe to give me a big kick up the bum. It's not like I've been complacent or self-satisfied, but it seems that it was time for me to take a knock.
Today, I went to the little house that I had 'loaned' to the Pole (see The Wonder Of Yule in December 2007) and as he is due to move out soon after a three month sojourn, I took my trust builder Harry with me to list and price all the remaining work that needed doing. The deal had been that he got a centrally heated house, albeit in need of decoration and a bit of a clean up, in return for not paying any rent but doing some of the said decoration.
It was an interesting visit. Apart from wiping the kitchen work surfaces down and cleaning the cooker up a bit (not a lot) the place was unchanged. He hadn't even wiped the shelves where he had put my post or the room which he used as a bedroom. I have to say that I was really shocked. Then I was angry at myself for being so trusting. Then I was just plain angry and now I'm bloody cross that the feckless, lazy little git hasn't done a stroke. Still, it could be worse.
We had extended our offer from late February to after Easter as the weather has been so filthy and both Kim and I didn't have the heart to send him back to a tent in a field, assuming that's where he's planning on going, though that isn't even certain as he mentioned he may be going back to Poland. Just at the moment, my ire is still frothing up like a red, acidic swell and I could happily march around there and eject him right now. I won't do that until I know how soon I can get Harry in there to sort the place out... which may be as soon as Monday.
One of my pet hates and a BIG BUTTON for me is feeling as if I've had the piss taken and I feel like that just now - I wouldn't mind, but I can't even channel all this anger into a good bout of housework cos my back is hurting so much, which is doubly frustrating! That will teach me. Maybe he was the one in ten.
posted by The Shepton Witch @ 20:16
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10 Comments:
You don't deserve a knock, you simply done the right thing and had the wrong thing done to you. This proves his callow attitude and lack of human engagement, not your 'naivety'!
You did a good thing. He hasn't kept his side. As soon as Harry prices the work you should kick this fellow out.
Perhaps he doesn't want to go back to a tent in a field, but then, he should have thought of this!!
Don't let this mar your impulse to do good in the future. He might well be the one in ten - sounds like a feckless wretch and a loser to me! :-)
Or should that be 'did the right thing'! Honestly guv, lords sakes, wot's my grammar like?!
No, I won't change how I behave, I think it's too deeply ingrained into my personality now. I think the thing that upset me so deeply was the unfairness and wrongness of it. My parents went on about fairness so much that it became a big thing with me. My son is the same, so I suppose I must have transmitted that to him as well, though he has such a well developed sense of fairness that it takes me aback at times (when he was 8 he took on the large 11 year-old school bully because he was picking on one of Nick's smaller and more helpless classmates).
It was also because I desperately want the house to be right for another reason. You may remember that at the end of 2005 I had a rather bad time? I was incredibly lucky as Vita, my lovely mad Belgian friend and Shepherdess were both there and did the most amazing job of helping and supporting me through those dark days. Their friendship and practical support (Vita phoned every day to nag me into being upbeat!) was so wonderful and I doubt I shall ever be able to repay them or demonstrate how much they mean to me. What I can do, however, is to do the same for someone who finds themselves in a similar situation.
I'm now in that position and there is someone who is having a thoroughly filthy time of it. As the Pole was going anyway, I had thought that she could use the little house as a base until she finds what she wants, which would take lots of pressure off and be a very practical way to help. She's a lovely person and is coming down to stay on Monday for a couple of days, including going to look at the little house. It is in such a mess though, that I am choked and suspect she will be horrified when she sees it. Even with Harry working feverishly to sort out a price and the possibility of getting started on Monday, it wasn't how I had hoped things would go.
It has been a bit of a challenge as the whole episode has reminded me of late 2005 and thought that is all resolved and healed now, it is still emotionally bruising. Add to that the sense of unfairness and you can see how I'm not being as chilled as I might be at this situation!
Fairness has always loomed large for me too. You can help your friend; that you have a place to offer her, be it ever so humble, will cheer her up no end.
You've got quite a long road to travel here; helping this person will no doubt bring your past troubles to the forefront of your mind, but then it also equips you to really assist her.
It IS a blow that yon Pole didn't do what he said he would and start decoration; however, getting a couple of rooms straight won't take too long. Like me, you don't feel it's enough to offer the lifebuoy - you want it to look nice as well. What are we like?
Ok, you have a point. I do want it to look nice, but that's cos I don't want people gossiping about what a slattern I am behind my back!
It's good in a way, because although I'm feeling some echoes of the pain, but it is only an echo now, so that has been a revelation and something that has made me smile. And, yes, I take your point because knowing Vita and Shepherdess were just there, caring, was enough for me, but you understand the psychology that wants to do more than just...
Don't tell me otherwise!!!
Would you be amenable to her joining us at Beltaine perhaps? She is someone you know (via WW) and as she will be living close, I thought it might be fun and I know you'll like her (if you haven't already met her).
I'd be delighted - I feel sure I know to whom you refer - I should be honoured to make her closer acquaintence! Count me in!
You're such a good friend. Perhaps the urge to do more, to be better as a friend is what makes the really superlative friends stand out from the crowd. If so, you're right up there with the greats.
No, I'm just an ordinary 'tryer' but thank you for the compliment, it means a lot!
The Pole leaves today, Harry starts work tomorrow and things are looking up. By the end of three weeks, we should have a lovely, happy little house, with nice decoration and just the garden to sort out. It will then be ready for someone to move into it and Harry can sort the garden fences out without interfering in someone's space if they have moved in.
Kim has managed to calm me enough and convince me that I still get the brownie points for doing good and that it will all be sorted out and that things happened this way for a good reason - which I suppose they did!
I'm dying to see everything coming together at last. I took it from grungy house with foul brick confection taking up half the living room and sticky, yucky carpets to re-wired, re-plumbed (with new central heating) building site with the walls stripped and nothing looking particularly attractive. Now, the fun bit begins; the walls will get decorated, the ceilings papered, the lovely hamstone fireplace is now exposed and will be cleaned up to look nice by Harry and I hope to fit a wood-burning stove so the sitting room is really cosy. This is the bit where it starts to come together again, if a shade belatedly, and the house feels happy again.
It was one of the things that made both of us love the little house when we first saw it - it had a really good vibe and felt like a happy house that had been loved. When I went in late last week, the place felt sad and grey and that was upsetting. Still, it's a good excuse for a good smudging (that'll scare the pants off Harry!) and lots of care lavished on it to bring it back to the sunny place it should be.
Harry sounds like a prince among men and a good fella to have to hand in a crisis.
And your house! What better a denizen of littleHedge than a good friend and one in need who will love it and to whom it will be a safe haven. Hooray, hooray for woodburners, plain walls and warm simple comfort. Can't wait to hear it's being occupied!
You sound much better. Kim's right; had the Egregious Pole not behaved the way he did, you might not have had a place to offer to our mutual friend - so things do happen for a reason, after all!
Ah, it will be simple but cosy, I feel confident. I was there early this morning to let in Prince Harry, truly a good egg (in every sense, as he gives us eggs from his hens too sometimes!) and he is now equipped with tea bags and a key for the house so he can crack on.
Robust ceiling paper is selected (they are 1895 ceilings and a tad lumpy), white paint to cover it and then simple walls so the new tenant can make it their own. Oh yes, things are starting to come together.
I shall be showing our friend the little house tomorrow - she arrives later today and Kim has decided to take us all out for a meal, which will be rather nice. Tomorrow is house visit and we have a heating company around to give us a quote for this place, plus I must find time to do some fun stuff with her!
Yes, I do feel better - stasis doesn't suit me and things are moving along nicely now!
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