Paying It Forward

There is, apparently, a lovely film about paying it forward though I haven't seen it (must put it on my to do list). I have been put in mind of it because of a conversation I had today.

I have always been blessed with good friends; never a cast of thousands, but enough people who are staunch friends, compassionate and caring, that I have never wanted for support. I have been through a couple of very difficult times in my life, when it felt that everything was falling apart, as I'm sure many of us have, and there have always been amazing, compassionate people there to pick me up, pass me a tissue to wipe my eyes and tell a bad joke to make me laugh. I don't think I have ever taken these people for granted, and I know I have always been grateful for them.

I learned about kindness and paying it forward a long time ago. It was in early 1987 at a time I was planning to move from London to north Cambridgeshire. I was driving up on a wild and wet night in my shiny little mini (the pre-BMW type that always conked out in the wet) and despite the rubber glove lovingly applied to the distributor cap (HT leads through the fingers!) my mini decided to splutter and conk out near Peterborough, just in the area where the A1 rapist was operating. Great. It wasn't bad enough that it was lashing down with rain, my mini had to splutter into stillness on the hard shoulder of the A1 just in the wrong place!

If I thought that was bad, I hadn't anticipated the next occurrence; a set of headlights slowly coasted to a stop behind my car, pulled up and a caped dark figure got out of the car. They walked to my window and knocked on it. By this time my heart was in my mouth and I just had the presence of mind to open the window a tiny crack. A cheery American woman greeted me with "Hey! I saw you pull over and was worried you may have broken down, can I help you?" I was relieved. This lovely lady, whose name I never did get to know, held the torch as I sprayed the distributor cap with WD40 and dried everything off as well as I could. She assured me that she would follow me up the A1 for a mile or so to make sure that my car would keep going and turned to leave.

Unused to such kindness (London isn't the place for gratuitous displays of neighbourliness) I asked her if I could give her some money to say thank you - so she could buy herself something nice for being so kind and this was her reply: "No, I won't take anything from you except a commitment that if you see someone else in trouble or needing help, that you offer to help them. If we all help each other out, the world will be a much better place." And so came my introduction to the idea of how interconnected we all are and how the good that you do for one person comes back to you in very different ways, and through different people.

I have particularly wanted to be able to return the kindness and love that my friends Andrea and Ros showed me not too long ago. Both sprang into action, bossed me about when I couldn't decide what day of the week it was, and coaxed and nudged me into a state of cheerfulness. I love them both dearly and though I know it's unlikely I can repay them (and I wouldn't want them to be in dire straights just so I can feel I have repaid!) I now have the opportunity to do something similar for a friend.

I find I am being terribly ham-fisted and worried that I'm either being too bossy or not bossy enough. It's not about me, but I really want to do the best I can for someone who is such a sweet and lovely person. So, if you are reading this and can spare it, send over a huge hug for my friend and light a candle so that she gets to see how amazing and deserving of happiness she is, and ask the Goddess for a modicum of diplomacy for me!